An old friend

Why is depression so tempting, so compelling when the experience is so horrendous?

I've not been having a great time the past few days. I have been going to bed at 4am, getting up at 2pm, bingeing, watching TV all day and basically acting exactly the way I shouldn't when trying to recover. The only thing I haven't done is cut.

Small achievements I guess.

So I decided that enough was enough and made myself get up this morning. Don't particularly feel better, but at least I've done some revision. Cannot get behind with that and I've just had 3 days off.

Now I have to pick myself up, dust myself off and commit that to the past - a minor setback. Doing those things is not going to make things better only worse. I have to try and ignore the old thoughts that have been building up over the last few weeks. I can't afford to go back there. I'm not sure that I'd survive it again. The last time is still too raw, too recent to cope with it again. So I won't.

I'm getting on with things, but not just hiding them away this time. Talking about the shit that goes round in my head is hard but neccessary. Thank god I have such good friends that will put in the time and listen to it.